What to do first?

It has been one of those ‘Manic Mondays’ where things are just not right and there are two many things going on. I guess it is part of my fault since I have been taking Fridays off, but that isn’t really my decision. If I could take another vacation, I would. But it is impossible. And then, I may have to come in on Friday just for an hour or two to make sure some techs are comfortable in my building. So much for a vacation day.

It is also one of those days, were everyone is pointing out all of my flaws. It is a Monday, where I got to the Post Gazette and start looking at the job postings and wondering if any of these jobs are worth even applying for. It is a Monday where one of the jobs looks interesting, pays more than what I currently make, but the qualifications are muddy and unclear. I wonder if I have the skills to do that job or would I just be expanding myself to sound good to be only put in a worse situation than I am now.

Its not that I hate my job - I dislike many aspects of my job right now. I dislike the fact that I have to get every little thing approved that I do, but it is seen as being annoying. I dislike the fact that when I try to be more proactive and assertive in making decisions, it is seen as being overaggressive and ill-advised and that my boss needs to approve these things. I dislike the fact that I have to recall things I learned 6 months ago, but I haven’t had to recall them until now and I don’t remember. It’s my fault that I don’t remember any of it. I should have written it down, but I was so busy at the time. I dislike that I’m near tears every time I have to try to bribe people for work because I’m all by myself and Board Members have dropped off the face of the earth after they promised help. I dislike the fact that everyone needs me but yet I’m not supposed to need any of them. I dislike the fact that no one every says thank you any longer. Even for the simple things like changing a password – it would be nice to just hear a ‘thank you’. I dislike that coworkers can say *I’m not doing that, you can do that.* and then they go and place my name on a letter, effectively making me in charge of something that I wasn’t aware that I was going to be in charge of.

I do cool things every once in a while. But those cool things are coming few and far between. I want to do more of those things, but instead I get stuck trying to bribe or sweet-talk, or make nice with people. I spend a lot of time tip-toeing around people because they are so more emotional than me. I spend a lot of time doing more work for others because they are the real drama queens. Real drama queens can make others look like drama queens so they can look like they are perfect princesses.

Ok, I’m off to do more bribery. That’s what I do best!