Evil Persona

Maybe it's not an evil persona, but maybe the belief that I like being the black cloud around the office. It's not who I am. Sometimes I have to embrace that identity - because that is what I need to do to survive in a stressful work environment where often no one really seems to be in control of anything. Sometimes, being evil is the only way to get anything done. Protect the network = being evil and not nice.

Often, it's the worst thing in the situation. If we aren't "happy-in-that-kumbaya-hands-joined-together-We-Are-The-World-and-all-that-other-mushy-crap-and-feel-good-self-help-guru-spiel" mood, that the person based in reality is ostracised - seen as the one bringing the group down or not being cooperative. My argument is that there are times for joining hands together and singing and there are other times when someone has to make a decision and make everyone else stick to it. Maybe I do that part of my job badly, but it doesn't mean I'm evil or anything.

They just don't get the stress that is placed on someone when projects have dragged on for two years. They don't get how painful it is to have successful projects be completed and credit given to other people (who weren't even involved!) -- but yet the project that has been going on forever is the first thing linked to you. I'm not even the Wicked Witch - although that survey says so (but that is also because I took the quiz 4 times and came up with the Cowardly Lion each time and I wanted someone cooler). And if I try to be that self-help-glass-half-full kind of person, the response is that I must be sick. It is a no-win situation where I don't even think there is an end in the game.

Most people at work have isolated me. They talk to me about the following topics: Computers & Weight Watchers. How sad is that? When I try to change the subject, they change it right back. I get a day full of "Do you want to hear about my techie problem at home?" and "How many points is a banana?". I'm struggling with other aspects of my life, because this is what I hear day in a day out. It's like I'm a flat object with no dimension. I want other things in my life. I want to say that I go out and do cool things. I want to have interesting discussions and let people know that there is more to me.

In the end, they don't really care. I'm the evil techie chick who thinks the world is falling. I couldn't be further from that label inside.